Helping our patients to reconcile the external rules, principles and values with their internal ones

Society or the “collective others” have certain rules, principles and values.

We as individuals, have certain internal rules, principles and values.

Following the external rules, principles and values will make others happy and achieve external harmony.

Following the internal rules, principles and values will make us happy and achieve internal harmony.

The question is, can we have our cake and eat it too? Can we have external harmony as well as internal harmony?

Maybe …..

In counseling, we sometimes help folks to sync and reconcile the inner rules, principles, and values of an individual with the external rules, principles, and values of others. The smaller the gap, the lesser the tension. When it is in conflict, knowing which one is more important in a given context is important. Sometimes, knowing how to hold lightly the opposing rules, principles and values of the external and internal in the same space is also very important.