Counseling and psychoeducation around healthy self orientation

In counseling, we often ask people to focus on “self orientation”, rather than excessive focusing on fulfilling the needs of others. 

It’s important to differentiate between healthy “self orientation”, versus  unhealthy “self orientation”. 

Healthy “self orientation” may sound like this. I know what I want, and I want you to have what you want too. I need to be who I am, and I want you to be who you are too.  You need to accept me for me, and I accept you for you. 

More unhealthy “self orientation” may sound more like this. I know what I want, and you need to give me what I want. I need to be who I am, and you need to change for me.  You need to accept me for me, and that’s it. 

Having the emotional literacy to be aware and shift from unhealthy to more healthier frames of “self orientation”, can be life changing in our relationships.

As humans, we can all fall into trap, especially when we are stressed.