Feelings are a reflection of values so ask what they react to e.g. what do they absolute love or hate, then work backwards from there. I often get my patients to make a list of things that they react to, the good and the bad. It can be very revealing.
If they hate unfairness or conflict, and expect people to be nice and fair, then fairness, justice and beauty might be their values.
If they hate routine and often seek new things including new cars, new toys, new experiences etc, then fun and novelty might be on the list.
If they really hate incompetence, then excellence and efficiency might be a value.
If they hate being micromanaged, then freedom and autonomy might be high on the list.
If a value is “core” for them, then it will show up in multiple aspects of their life, and not just one situation.
When you mention a core value, watch for that aha moment. If it doesn’t resonate, then it’s probably not a value.
Once they have more clarity, they can use these values as their “inner compass” to live a life more congruent with their values and who they are.
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