Helping couples to appreciate each other’s differences again

When I work with couples, I often notice the tendency for the “opposite” to attract. This is of course a good thing because they tend to scaffold for each other and cover for each other’s blindspots.

The introverts may end up with the more extroverted.

The ”feeling orientated” may end up with the more “thinking/logically orientated”.

The “outer compass orientated” may end up with the more “inner compass orientated”.

The more “emotionally detached personality style” may end up with the more “emotionally fused personality style”.

The more bigger picture “painter” may end up with the more detailed super focused “pointers”.

The “go with the flow folks” may end up with the “super planners”.

The “doers” may end up with the more “be-ers”.

And so on…..

The problem is, if they are not careful and unaware, these can also be their greatest source of unresolved conflicts.

So a large part of couple’s work is to give them the emotional literacy to understand, hold space, and appreciate each other’s differences again, and see it as complementary rather than opposing.