I regularly see conflicts, both outer and inner conflicts. I suspect we all do. The trouble is, at times, we don’t really understand ourselves or each other.
One of the commonest sources of conflict is in our differences around making decisions. We all make decisions differently.
1. Some of us rely heavily on practicality. What works? What’s effective? What’s practical? What are the rules? Let’s take the “feelings” out of the equation. What are the logical steps to our goals and let’s take action?
2. Some of us rely heavily on making decisions based on the feelings and values of others in order to achieve our goals, and at the same time, maintain social harmony.
3. Some of us are more reliant on “critical thinking”. Everything we do has to make sense to us and follow a set of internal logical rules, “truths”, and principles. We apply a “scientific approach” to our decision making.
4. Some of us are more about authenticity. Everything we do has to “feel right”, and stay true to who we are and our values. Take action, and at the same time, not at the cost of our inner harmony.
Schools, society, and even our families are often better at teaching us the top 3 methods, and may neglect the last one with negative consequences to our mental health.
In counseling, we often need to assist folks to focus and move towards their values again in order to find more balance.
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