Helping our patients with relationship difficulties

One of the key skills for couples and groups is to be able to acknowledge each other’s position and point of view authentically. If not done authentically, it can sound condescending or avoidant. 

So how does one acknowledge something authentically if we don’t have the emotional literacy to understand the other party’s perspective and personality style?

The answer is, with great difficulties. 

In counseling, it’s common to observe that folks tend to interpret and judge what others say or do through their own lens, and personality styles. This will lead to a lot of misunderstanding, conflict, pain, and suffering. 

A more accurate way is to interpret and judge what others say or do through the other person’s lens, and personality style. 

A simple example would be an emotionally fused personality vs a more emotionally detached personality. The more emotionally detached personality style may say something in a very matter of fact tone and non emotive in nature. It’s a simple fact in their mind. The more emotionally fused personality style interprets that through their own lens as sounding very critical, insensitive, unfair, and harsh. Suddenly, we have an escalation on our hands. 

Having better emotional literacy around this will assist in better understanding, acknowledgement, and communication for better relationships and collaboration.